Egalitarianism in Yogurtopia

Attention all  limp-dicked gender-idealist hippy yogurt tarts: Stop trying to save the world with dreams of equality with no action.

I’m a little ahead of myself here. Let’s back up.

The following statement bugs me. I used to believe it, but now I don’t, so I want to impart some Zen onto the aforementioned nation of yogurt.

You can’t support equality if you take a side!

Annoying variations of this statement are around the net. Click to enlarge.



We need to stop pretending that some monolithic consensus on equality somehow magically produces justice for all.

Most of us already agree we need “equality,” whatever the fuck that means! That’s not the issue!

So yeah, great. You are egalitarian. And?

All words. No action.

Here’s the funny thing: Once you actually start acting, specific people in specific demographics benefit. Can you name one action that helps everyone at once and reduces discrimination for each demographic simultaneously? Adopting egalitarianism doesn’t count. I’m talking about a real action, involving time, labor and/or resources.

I guarantee you that no citizen of Yogurtopia has dealt with the administrative nightmare of fighting to solve discrimination everywhere, let alone for one group. In theory governments should do that, and they do about as well as Homer does in his nuclear safety inspection gig.

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You can support egalitarianism while fighting for the rights of one group. Yes, you can. It’s called specialization. I can work on men’s rights while my (totally real) girlfriend works on women’s rights. Here she is before she went off for her protest in Sweden.

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Here’s how, and why you can be egalitarian and a specialist: You have limited time, resources and power. You can’t do much in the grand scheme of things as a single person. Many of you are likely just shmucks masterbating to pictures of Christina Hendricks mounting a dolphin or something, so you aren’t hurting anybody. But sometimes you turn on your local glowing rectangle and wonder how you can convince someone that you are not a bad person for having a dick.

You, this thing with a penis, feels threatened by the zeitgeist, so you do the totally insane thing and stand up for yourself. This might mean taking some of that totally not infinite time and money from that pig shaped box of shame and donating it towards an organization that can help you stand up for yourself. Either that or volunteer work. Oh my God, you wouldn’t do anything oppressive like that, would you? WOULD YOU?

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But here’s the kicker: While you are doing this totally patriarchal thing, you can genuinely believe in other people fighting their own fights. Believing in egalitarianism is easy. But when you actually do something, you start to get a sense of scope. Men’s rights are hard enough, but what about everyone’s rights? You may as well dust a room with your eyelashes.

Interest groups specialize in certain policy areas so that the real victims of each group gets the focused representation they deserve. The idea is that a bunch of interest groups competing, debating and collaborating from a bunch of specialized egalitarians will pull the government in all sorts of different directions and bring about more moderate policies.

It’s simple, really. Government officials only care about the opinions of the people who can take away their power, so it’s good to make sure that they feel like anyone can fire them. If the people writing legislation feel like they would risk their job with their suggested policies, they would not push them. Recall that few people in governments care about MHRAs and feminism runs largely unchecked.

When you take action, you need direction. You need tension. You need debate. Can you start an organization that supports equality for all? Really? Forever and ever? Across the creation and destructions of new cultures? You can prevent ALL discrimination regardless of the potential influence of lobbyists and cultural bias? Really?

I support treating people as moral equals unless they prove themselves to be criminals or dangerously stupid. But I can be “egalitarian” and put my time towards men’s rights. I am a man. Men’s issues affect me. I give a shit. I support Mary Sue Liberty’s fight for her rights as a Mother-Goddess-licking Venus lovechild, but that is her fight, not mine. It’s hard enough dealing with my shit over here.

But these people would say it’s bad I just focus on one group. Okay. What’s the alternative? I donate money to support groups for everyone and everything else? A REAL egalitarian has to take action for animals, blacks, women, Jews, Hispanics, Aztecs and trees, right?

I know some guys take the whole tree thing pretty seriously.

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But do you have that much god damned time? I have yet to see anyone rodeo up the injustices of the world like some Wonder Omniracial Hermaphrodite Bhagavad Gita Buddhist Master of the Universe.

Citizens of Yogurtopia shit everywhere squawking “CO-EX-IST! CO-EX-IST!” They don’t understand the work with actually changing policies to make coexistence easier, and their pretentiousness stands in the way of any practical understanding of human limits and political science. To those people, I say go stick your head in a cow’s ass to add some meat to your dairy, you fairies.